Commitment to God

Before mass started yesterday, I saw an old man (probably in his 70-80s) walking with his cane down the aisle to go to his seat.  He shuffled with his feet very slowly and carefully.  I wanted to assist him, but I wasn’t sure if I could because of physical distancing.  So I watched him take his time, step by step.  His legs wobbled a little and so I prayed to my guardian angel to help him.  He eventually reached the pew where his wife was sitting.  My heart felt so touched all of a sudden when that took place.  It was at this instant that I saw how much faith and love he had for God - that he made it to church despite the fact that his age could put him at risk of getting sick from the virus... that he made it to church even though walking takes a lot of effort for his aging body.  There he was, present for God, ready to hear the Word of God and receive the Body of Jesus!  WOW, it totally blew my mind, that tears started to roll down my eyes and I couldn’t help it.  Through this man’s act, I understood that to be a faithful follower of Jesus is to be TRULY committed to Him in every possible way we can, because there is an ultimate end for each of us that is only determined by God.  As Christians, we believe we have a purpose and because of our free will, we intentionally act towards an end.  The end determined by God means the very LAST part of our end, the “final touch” of what has been worked upon.  The goal as Christians is to achieve the perfect “final touch” which is God’s glory and our eternal happiness in Heaven.

Seeing the old man’s effort to be committed to God was soul-piercing.  I further understood that commitment involves not only in believing in His existence and His commandments, but also our commitment to spend time with Him through our prayers, by attending mass, reading the bible, and by fulfilling His teachings.  When we break away from something we’re suppose to be committed to, we begin to stumble.  If we continue to stumble and fall and not return to our commitment, that’s when we deprioritize Him and “lose” sight of God, whether it’s intentional or unintentional.  But, God is All merciful and All forgiving.  He loves us no matter how far or “lost” we feel.  He welcomes ANY one who finds his/her way to Him; there is not a single human being excepted from His love.

Every one has their own life journey full of different paths...  but the path we continue to choose every single day must always have a sense of direction and meaning, because He Who GAVE us life for a purpose also has the “final touch” in the end.  And therefore, we should hope and pray that we choose the path that

 leads to the light and fullness of God.

“He who directs himself, makes himself the disciple of a fool.” - St. Bernard

“If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.” - Psalm 95:8

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” - Jeremiah 29:11

“I desire that you know more profoundly the love that burns in My Heart for souls, and you will understand this when you meditate upon My Passion.  Call upon My mercy on behalf of sinners, I desire their salvation.  When you say this prayer with a contrite heart and with faith on behalf of some sinner, I will give him the grace of conversion.  This is the prayer: ‘O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You.’” - Jesus to St. Faustina Kowalska

Jesus is the Light of the world

Last night, I was praying around 1:15 am when the baby woke up and it was as if I just saw the words “I am the Light of the World” in fiery letters with a dark brown/black background. At that moment, I wasn’t exactly sure why I “saw” that but I continued my prayers and went to sleep.  Then one of my friends posted this exact picture early this morning and the colors in this photo are pretty much what I “saw” last night.  The background like the color of the wooden cross, and the fiery letters like the yellow/orange light hues. Woooooww! I knew it meant something.  Low and behold, today’s gospel is actually parallel to those words “I am the Light of the World.”  In today’s Gospel, Jesus said, “I have come into the world as light, to prevent anyone who believes in me from staying in the dark any more (John 12:46).” 

The words that came to mind last night are from John 8:12, “When Jesus spoke to the people again, he said: I am the light of the world; anyone who follows me will not be walking in the dark, but will have the light of life.”   

What does it all mean??  I’ve been pondering about this the whole day. It seems that what I “saw” last night and in the gospel today has a very clear message.  God is loud and clear and I want to put it out here.  The message is resonating that truly, JESUS is the LIGHT that we need!  Maybe somebody is feeling like he/she is in the darkness and is not sure where life is going... With so much happening in the world and in our personal lives right now, maybe some of us are trying to brave it all out but really cannot seem to see the “light”... I want to encourage you, that there is LIGHT, and that is JESUS!   You are not alone... Jesus is here for each and everyone of us to help us navigate through our “darkness”.  If you’re wondering how do we come to “see” Jesus,  I believe the best way is to pray first as if you are having a conversation with someone.  Second, speak to people like myself, who talk about Jesus and faith in general.  I understand that it can be difficult to talk about these kinds of things especially when it seems uncool to many people these days.  But I just want to put it out here that if you’re feeling like in the dark and are looking for someone to talk to, I am here to listen and help.  It is in times like this when we really need to be there for each other instead of pushing each other way.  I also appreciate it when people share to me their thoughts and stories as well because there’s always something to be learned and be inspired by.  ️

"May Our Lord be able to use us so that, placed as we are at all the cross-roads of the world - and at the same time placed in God - we become salt, leaven and light. Yes, you are to be in God, to enlighten, to give flavor, to produce growth and new life. But don't forget that we are not the source of this light: we only reflect it." 
- St. Josemaria Escriva

I want to share this beautiful song that was on repeat the whole day! :)

Turn to God in Prayer and in Love

I have been debating whether or not I should share what I dreamnt about a few days ago.  A part of me was struggling, and a part of me was saying, "I need to share this!"  Today, I saw a picture of Saint Catherine of Siena with a quote by her and it gave me the motivation to blog!  Today is actually her feast day!  This is what I saw this morning. 

Before you continue reading this post, let us pray one of her prayers.

PRAYER OF SAINT CATHERINE OF SIENA
To The Precious Blood of Jesus.

Precious Blood,

Ocean of Divine Mercy:

Flow upon us!

Precious Blood,

Most pure Offering:

Procure us every Grace!

Precious Blood,

Hope and Refuge of sinners:

Atone for us!

Precious Blood,

Delight of holy souls:

Draw us!

Amen.

I just want to clarify for the people who are reading this for the first time, that this personal blog is something I've had for years and it's where I would write down all my spiritual inspirations and experiences.  I started this blog because of the huge, life-changing impact that World Youth Day (a big Catholic event started by St. John Paul II in 1985) in Madrid, Spain in 2011 had in my spiritual life.  God shook me, and I was awakened.  There was no turning back and I felt like God imprinted in my soul that I have a mission.  I still have so many experiences from World Youth Day that I haven't shared here, but one day, when the right time comes, I will.  

After World Youth Day, things were never the same for me spiritually.    My faith increased and I wanted to pray more.  Prayer is what connects us to God.  Without prayer, our spiritual life will be empty and dry because we don't have that closeness to God, the One who truly satisfies our thirst.  We feel that we are never truly joyful because we continue to seek things that will satisfy us only through worldly things.  I realized that by praying more and becoming closer to God, my life began to change for the better.  It was the beginning of God transforming my interior life.  Whenever something spoke to my heart, I would write it here in my blog because I wanted to inspire somebody who was also searching and looking for God.  Even if something here sparks someone's soul in a tiiiiiny tiiiiiiiiiiny way, I truly believe that everything else will ensue and that spark will brighten even more in God's perfect time.

On March 5, 2020, some of you watched my Instagram and Facebook stories where I was triggered by a "scary" dream about a demon which is why I had to share right away.  I literally had that dream on the day that I received my St. Joseph prayer book and because I had been praying more.  Somebody told me before that the closer I get to God, the harder and stronger the evil will try to scare me.  And that's exactly why I think I dreamnt what I dreamnt.  Then on March 13, 2020, I found out from my brother-in-law that his friend also had a very similar dream to mine.

Please read the screenshots below of what I shared before.

Ever since then, I knew that God was up to something.  God wanted me to increase my faith even more and to pray harder.  I prayed more by praying the rosary and Chaplet of Divine Mercy with my family everyday.   It was a struggle at first, especially with the little kids constantly being distracted but I knew we had to persevere in prayer because the devil does not want us to pray and will find any excuse for us to stop!  So despite the kids being disruptive and my patience being tested, I did my best to focus on God during our prayer time.  I also recently started praying again the Chaplet of Saint Michael.  I used to pray it everyday many years ago and I found that it was such a powerful prayer.  I really felt the holy angels assisting in my daily needs.

Well, a few days ago on April 24, 2020, I was praying and out of nowhere, it was as if I had this revelation of what God was asking me to pray for!  In my heart, God said to pray for the children around the world and that we need to teach children about God's real presence in the Eucharist.  There was an emphasis on the need for this around the world... I literally had an "Aha!" moment.  Then on the following day, April 25, 2020, that's when I had another dream.  All I remember is seeing what seems to be a group of demons surrounding a young boy that looked sad and abused.  He was crying, but he looked possessed.  His eyes were bruised and his eye bags were droopy and purple and blood was coming out of his mouth.  I yelled at the other members (there was probably about five of them), "what are you guys doing to this boy?!"  Their faces turned to me and it was as if they wanted to attack me.  Instead of being fearful, I faced them with courage and confidently said to them, "HA! I know who you are. I'm not scared of you anymore! HAIL MARY! FULL OF GRACE! THE LORD IS WITH THEE!" I prayed the "Hail Mary" prayer to their faces and they could not move and get close to me.  Something told me to pray the prayer of St. Michael and I did in my dream and they all started to disappear.  Even though they were all gone, I was still dreaming and I already wanted to wake up.  But I couldn't wake up and it was as if something was pulling me back to stay in the dream.  That really intense heavy feeling again.  I started to shake my hands and legs so I can wake up.  I repeated the prayer to St. Michael and I asked my guardian angel to wake me up.  And then I finally woke up from the dream.

It was crazy.  I've been thinking and praying about it. And this is not to scare anybody at all!  In fact, I believe I needed to share this because like I've said before --- THE SPIRITUAL BATTLE IN THE SPIRITUAL REALM IS SO REAL.  The battle between good and evil is real and quite frankly, it's terrifying.  It's terrifying because so many souls are being taken especially during this pandemic and many people don't realize that evil exists, capturing and attacking as many souls as they can.

HOWEVER, something is happening and God is making His Presence known.  He is calling out and giving us a chance to know Him and love Him.  So many people turned their backs from Him.  So many people know that He is present but are ignoring Him.  So many people are seeking for Him, but don't know how to build their relationship with Him.  So many people feel lost and cannot seem to fill the void in their hearts... But the time is now to get to know Him and let Him transform our hearts and our lives through His Word and sacraments.  It is never too late because God loves each and every one of us. His Love and Mercy for us are infinite; that no matter how much we think we are far from Him, He will always welcome us.  We just need to surrender and allow Him to enter our hearts.

"For this is how God loved the world: he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life." - JOHN 3:16

Despite us being sinners, God loved us so much that Jesus came to the world and died for us so that we can have a chance to eternal life (eternal joy in heaven) by believing in Him and following His ways.  Why use our time here on earth on things that won't lead us to Heaven?  Our life can be taken away in an instant and God is giving us time now to choose Him.   

Since we are currently living in unprecedented time and fear and doubt could creep in our minds, remember that God is All Mighty and All Powerful, we must trust in Him! We have to pray harder and to pray the rosary because it is our weapon and lifeline!  As Catholics, we may be unable to receive the Eucharist during this time, but the fact that we can still universally celebrate the Eucharist together online is a true gift of our faith!  Praise God!  

Therefore, in order to fight against evil and gain courage, we must never cease with our prayers and we must continue to “go to mass” by joining in the celebration of the Eucharist online.

I'm going to end this blog with such impactful quotes from one of my favourite saints, St. (Pope) John Paul II:

“Remember that you are never alone, Christ is with you on your journey every day of your lives! He has called you and chosen you to live in the freedom of the children of God. Turn to Him in prayer and in love. Ask Him to grant you the courage and strength to live in this freedom always. Walk with Him who is ‘the Way, the Truth and the Life.’”

“Courageously follow the path of personal holiness and diligently nourish yourselves with the word of God and the Eucharist. The holier you are, the more you can contribute to building up the Church and society.”

“Prayer, intimate dialogue with the One who is calling you to be His disciples, must come first. Be generous in your active life, young people, and be deeply immersed in the contemplation of God’s mystery. Make the Eucharist the heart of your day.”

“Be generous in answering Jesus’ call inviting you to put out into the deep and become His witnesses, discovering the trust He puts in you to devise a future together with Him. Above all, to fulfill this mission the Church is entrusting to you requires that you cultivate a genuine life of prayer nourished by the Sacraments, especially the Eucharist and Confession.”

“Today you are being called to commit yourselves in this way: accepting to follow Christ, you proclaim that the way of perfect love passes through the total and constant gift of oneself. Wherever people are suffering, wherever they are humiliated by poverty or injustice, and wherever a mockery is made of their rights, make it your task to serve them.”

“The Eucharist is the sacrament of the presence of Christ, who gives Himself to us because He loves us. He loves each one of us in a unique and personal way in our practical daily lives: in our families, among our friends, at study and work, in rest and relaxation. He loves us when He fills our days with freshness, and also when, in times of suffering, He allows trials to weigh upon us: even in the most severe trials, He lets us hear His voice.”

Totally Yours

"Lord, I am 'totus tuus' (totally yours)" - St. John Paul II

Today, being the 14th year death anniversary of St. Pope John Paul II, I am reminded once again about the importance of prayer and having devotion to Our Blessed Mother.  I am also reminded of the time when Mikko and I went to Florida in 2012 and visited Mary, Queen of the Universe shrine and I felt the magnitude of the power of prayer.

I want to share this again (as I shared this before in my instagram).  The following pictures were taken then in November 2012 at the shrine in Orlando.

(My husband in front of the statue)


This is one of my experiences that truly revealed God's existence and that He is so present in my life.  Mikko and I visited this Catholic shrine in Orlando, Florida for three days in a row. Each day, we visited the Blessed Sacrament to take our time to pray as a couple and thank God for all the blessings we received. I remember though praying for something SO specific for those three days.  It was so specific that I asked God if His answer was a "yes", to show me pink and white two-toned roses. Those exactly.  (If you read my previous blog, you know I love my two-toned white/pink roses. hehe)
On the third day, I remember praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament and this strong sense of feeling came to me as if God said, "Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find. (Matthew 7:7)."  The particular question that I asked God was regarding my mission I had or have, I should say.  It really is difficult to explain here in one post.  But basically, it was whether I was meant to pray for a particular person. Yes, one person.  There were so many happenings and situations to why I would think this way, but I will explain more when the right time comes.  But anyway, yes that was my question to God; whether or not I had a mission to particularly pray for this person (whom I actually have never met or been introduced to).

So...my husband and I were walking out of the church on our way home and a lady stopped and asked if we had visited the rosary garden yet with Pope John Paul II's statue.  She said that we should have a look at it.  Providentially, I had been praying to (then Blessed) Pope John Paul II at that time, so I was beyond excited and told her that we would love to see the garden.  She gave us directions and honestly... it was almost as if something was just telling me in my heart that something was bound to happen.  My heart pounded for some reason. 
We walked to the garden and as soon as we saw the statue of St. Pope John Paul II, my eyes literally fixated on this little bouquet of beautiful PINK AND WHITE TWO-TONED roses that were in his hands!!!   I KNEW again right away that God heard my prayer.  I couldn't help but tear up and cry!!!  I just couldn't believe it. I mean, I could but I was so astonished. I was speechless.  I received exactly what I asked for.  "Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find."  Pure coincidence? No... we were meant to be there and find the answer there.   I felt nothing but a gush of pure joy, happiness, and peace... and of course an increase in my faith.  On the bottom of the statue, the quote by St. John Paul II read "To recite the rosary is nothing other than to contemplate with Mary, the face of Christ."
Right away, I knew I had to pray the rosary with my husband to praise God for His never ending graces and blessings upon us. Mikko willingly said "yes" when I asked him if we could pray the rosary together there.  We prayed and tears started rolling down my eyes again as we walked around the rosary garden, contemplating each mystery or decade of the rosary.  

Even just remembering this experience right now as I type this is giving me a flood of those different emotions I felt.

There are so many days where I feel spiritually uninspired or disconnected. But today, I am reminded that even during periods of drought in our prayer life, we should persevere and turn to Our Lady, the face of Christ, to help us become closer to her son, Jesus.  The beauty of our Catholic faith is that there are so so so many ways for us to help strengthen and deepen our relationship with God; whether that is through our prayers, services, the sacraments, and personal struggles and experiences --- there is always a way to be close to Him.

So much love & prayers...

Elena

QUOTES ON THE ROSARY

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

'If you say the Rosary faithfully until death, I do assure you that, in spite of the gravity of your sins "you shall receive a never-fading crown of glory." Even if you are on the brink of damnation, even if you have one foot in hell, even if you have sold your soul to the devil as sorcerers do who practice black magic, and even if you are a heretic as obstinate as a devil, sooner or later you will be converted and will amend your life and save your soul, if - and mark well what I say - if you say the Rosary devoutly every day until death for the purpose of knowing the truth and obtaining contrition and pardon for your sins.'

--St. Louis Marie de Montfort

“You always leave the Rosary for later, and you end up not saying it at all because you are sleepy. If there is no other time, say it in the street without letting anybody notice it. It will, moreover, help you to have presence of God.” - St. Josemaria Escriva

“Go to the Madonna. Love her! Always say the Rosary. Say it well. Say it as often as you can! Be souls of prayer. Never tire of praying, it is what is essential. Prayer shakes the Heart of God, it obtains necessary graces!” - St. Padre Pio of Pietrelcina

"To pray the Rosary, is to hand over our burdens to the merciful hearts of Christ and His Mother."  - Saint Pope John Paul II

“The Most Holy Virgin in these last times in which we live has given a new efficacy to the recitation of the Rosary to such an extent that there is no problem, no matter how difficult it is, whether temporal or above all spiritual, in the personal life of each one of us, of our families…that cannot be solved by the Rosary. There is no problem, I tell you, no matter how difficult it is, that we cannot resolve by the prayer of the Holy Rosary.” - Sister Lucia dos Santos, Fatima seer

Open Heaven

"As fire sets brushwood alight, as fire makes water boil - to make your name known to your foes; the nations would tremble at your presence..." - Isaiah 64:1 

So... I was reading all my previous blogs here on this page from many years ago, and I can't help but think "WOW, did I really write those??!!"  HA ha ha!  I mean this in a good way actually.  I guess those times that I wrote, I just felt so inspired and I was filled with joy and faith that reading them now brings me back those positive feelings and it makes me feel motivated!! I feel even moooore inspired now!  I don't know if this makes any sense. It's as if a fire in me has been reignited recently, and I just cannot wait to share so much with you guys.  But I know I will have to take it one day at a time.

This week, I've had time to reflect on the reasons why I am this way and why I feel this urge to continue to share my faith and stories.  And I believe it is because I truly believe in the power of prayers and faith and their influence to transform people's hearts, even the hardened ones.  I was reading some of my journals that I didn't share here and here's an experience that struck to me.  It has to do with faith and prayer.  

I WROTE THIS ON OCTOBER 21, 2012.

[Since I've been off work for more than a week, I was a little anxious coming back to work today.  (That's just how I am.  I get antsy very easily.) . This morning before going to work, I prayed to Jesus and said "Lord, I am so anxious to go back today... I don't know why...but whatever happens, I know You are with me...You know how flowers make me feel better... I hope I get a patient today who has flowers (pink roses or white orchids are my fave) in his/her room, because seeing flowers make my day!  I do want my own flowers though.. so I think I will buy flowers after work!"  Then I came to work and found out one of my patients was not doing well and she was at the "end-of-life" stage.  When I went into her room, there were two bouquets of pink roses by her window sill.  Exactly like my faves: two-toned white/pink roses and pink roses.  I instantly had a smile on my face... I trusted that everything was going to be okay, yet something told me God was up to something.  Later on, my patient deteriorated drastically...and towards the last moments of her life, she had wanted me to be with her..... she was Catholic, and I stayed and prayed with her until her family came.  It almost brought me to tears... something compelled me to pray the "Hail Mary" to her ear, and as soon as I did, her facial expression calmed down and started to nod her head slowly.  It gave me one of the most beautiful feelings in the world.  Thankfully, she had already received the Last Sacrament yesterday.   When she passed away, her family thanked and offered me the pink roses to take home!  I was so surprised, because I actually have never been offered flowers by my patients or patient's families directly.  Usually, they are just left in the room or they take them home.   So that's when it HIT me!  I may have felt anxious this morning...and almost let the negative thoughts control me...but when I asked God for something small to make me feel better, like seeing flowers, He granted me my favor... so precise too.  Not only did He do that for me, but He let me BE with someone who needed the comfort of God and Mother Mary at the end of her life...   You see, that is how amazing and loving God is.  That is how He can use us, as His instruments to deliver His unending love to others... even until the last breath.  He sends us to different situations for a certain purpose...  I've learned that He will never let us down.....  I don't believe that it's bad luck that I received these flowers from the family of my patient who passed away.... I would like to believe it is the opposite... I honestly felt the presence and embrace of Jesus and Mother Mary when I prayed with her.  My heart is saddened for her family, but I am sure she is now in peace in Heaven.  Life itself, may be so intricate... BUT if only the world can understand how achievable it is to live and love God in the simplest and tiniest ways.....if only we allow ourselves to constantly surrender and open our hearts to Him.... we must always try and do those if we truly want to believe and be in Heaven one day.  Today has been such an eye opener for me... and again, I have received affirmation that God truly cares and always listens.  I would like to emphasize that, it is okay to pray for others..... whether you pray for people that like you, hate you, criticize you, curse you, or those that do not even know you... it is through this simple act of love that God bestows His graces and blessings upon you and that person you are praying for.  And do not mind the people that disagree or make fun of you...keep praying... and leave it to God to do His mighty works.  You are His child, and He will protect you for He is your all-powerful God.]

This experience is a reminder for me that:

1.) Situations will happen where I will feel anxious, uncomfortable, or awkward, but to remember that God is always there and God always has a purpose.  I need to always put Him first.

2.) Our lives may end here on earth when our bodies die, but there are so many signs out there shouting out that there is such thing as Heaven and Hell.....

3.) There is always something "positive" to see out of a miserable thing if you choose to find the blessing, rather than just letting the misery weigh you down.

4.) There is NO such thing as coincidence... it is all in God's providence. ;)

This is just a "chip" of the iceberg I guess of my experiences.  If I shared the "major" ones I might scare some people.  Lol..... but really though, this is not to scare or make people feel uncomfortable.  I just feel that we live in a time now where people oppose/despise people of faith or faith in general, but there are soooooo many people out there also who are searching for that "something" or who feel lost/unsure, yet they feel ashamed or silenced.  So here I am, just shedding a bit of light one day at a time because I promise, I am not afraid to write these and be put to shame, because I know everything that has happened is real; and that in some way can help someone feel that real sense of peace and joy they are looking for.  I would never make any stories up by the way... lol.

Love & prayers always...

Elena

This was taken at the famous spiral staircase at the Vatican museum.  My husband took this shot of me. "Coincidentally" (no, not a coincidence right), this outstanding staircase represents life itself, as it is in the formation of the double helical DNA strand. I thought it totally fit this quote. :) 

Of course, we are not perfect people. I am not perfect. There will be times where we will spiral down slowly or quickly.  There will always be many decisions in life where we will have to choose, to go back up or continue to go down.  To love or hate. To be patient or impatient.  To forgive or be merciless.  To strive to be a better person or to sulk in our own insecurities.  To seek the purpose of our life or to ignore.  So many choices...  

Pray and Never Give Up.

"So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.  In that day you will no longer ask me anything.  Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.  Until now you have not asked for anything in my name.  Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."  - John 16:22-24

Hello dear blog of mine,

I can't even believe that it has been SO LONG since I wrote here. I don't want to make this about excuses but really, life got pretty crazy.  

First of all, to anyone reading this, whether or not you know me on a deep personal level, I just want to warn you in advance that this blog is realistically how I am on the "inside". If that even makes any sense.  What I mean is, this is basically the spiritual side of me that not many people see or know about because I have not opened myself up to most people about this part of me.
And it's funny because I just read one of my first few posts here and I mentioned that I had the fear of being judged or shamed or made fun of. And to tell you the truth, I still do have that fear.  It has not faded away, but I'm not going to let it bother me this time, hopefully.  

What people don't understand is that throughout my whole life, I was always aware that there is a God who is watching over me. I'm extremely thankful that I was raised by my loving and faithful parents who made sure my siblings and I knew God and practiced the Catholic faith.  BUT (a BIG BUT), I did not really try to grasp the meaning of His existence in my life until I experienced something in 2009.  The experiences with Him continued strongly on up until to this day, which is why I am feeling the need to write here again.

I'm beyond grateful for my family, friends, and other people who have continued to support me throughout the years and who have recited SO many prayers for me.  I really do appreciate it a lot.  PRAYERS change lives and hearts.   I strongly believe in this and will continue to testify the power of prayers.  I even have a "pray" tattoo on my wrist to remind me to PRAY and NEVER GIVE UP.  Praying to God means conversing with Him to get to know Him; to build our relationship with Him; and to help us navigate our life journey, so we can focus on our purpose here on earth while experiencing true joy, in hopes that we will meet Him in Heaven (eternal happiness) one day.

We live in a world today where people constantly find or do things that make them feel "happy" and also compare themselves to others to make themselves feel "happy".  For some reason, people focus on finding happiness ELSEWHERE, when really, the focus should be on finding that happiness from WITHIN.  

I am guilty of searching for happiness through shallow means whenever I felt down.  I seeked in superficial ways such as eating my favourite "guilty pleasure" food, or watching a Disney movie, or going shopping, or going on Instagram to look at pretty photos.  By doing those things, did I become truly happier on the inside?  No.  Doing those was only for temporary happiness, and once it was all over, I was still not satisified.  One cannot be truly happy or satisfied if their heart is filled with negative emotions and only topped and sprinkled with superficial happiness.  I've learned that in order for one to experience true joy, he/she needs to pour out all other emotions that is stopping them from doing so. That means getting rid of feelings of hatred, jealousy, guilt, envy, resentment, misjudgment, doubt, worry...whatever it is.  And instead, replacing those with love, forgiveness, acceptance, trust, and open-mindedness, but again these only come from WITHIN and cannot be found elsewhere. 

Not many people know this, but for the past few months I have been feeling stressed and somewhat down.  Just because I post "happy" moments on Instagram does not mean I don't go through anything that makes me feel sad or down.  I have an amazing husband, two beautiful kids, a job that pays well...we have a house, a car, we are able to support ourselves...but that doesn't mean I don't feel any stress that weigh me down. I feel stressed because I work long hours that change randomly (I don't have a fixed schedule, so it really is hard on my body and mind). I work in critical care, so work, itself, can already be stressful.  I take care of the kids when my husband works full-time.  I worry about disciplining my kids and whether I'm doing the right thing as a mother.  I worry about other people when they open up to me about their hardship.  I stress out when there are endless chores to do at the house on a daily basis. I feel hurt when people talk or act rudely to me at work or when I hear that people talk behind my back or make fun of me.  I think about our finances and try to plan for our future. I think about how I am losing my hair because of all the stress and how I need to take care of my body because of my low hemoglobin and ferritin levels.  I feel frustrated that it's hard to find time to go out with my family or friends because of our crazy schedule.

So you see, my life is not all sunshine and rainbows as some have commented to me. I do NOT have my life together... BUT I am learning that I can get it together when I have true joy inside of me.  And the true joy all comes from HIM, from GOD who has done so much for me throughout all these years.  I seriously don't know what I'd do without my faith in Him.  And of course, with the help of Our Blessed Mother, and all the angels and saints. ;)

I played worship songs almost all day yesterday, because I was just seeking God for help as I had been feeling very overwhelmed about everything.  It led me to pray last night, and something told me to start journaling again like how I did way before.  So I searched for my journal which I kept hidden away in our linen closet.  As I opened it, the first thing I saw was the quote I wrote back in 2013,  "Pray and Never Give Up".  I instantly felt tears running down my eyes, as I knew God was starting to tell me something.  He really does want me to start praying again.

I also grabbed the pink-covered book called 'Jesus Calling' that my friend, Ekah, gave to me as a Christmas gift in 2014 and my blue 'One Line A Day' journal book.  The bible quote for March 13 (yesterday) from the 'Jesus Calling' book was John 16:22-24 (the exact quote in the beginning of this blog entry).  When I read the part "ask and you will receive" from John 16:24, I began to cry again.  As some of you know, the bible quote from Matthew 7:7, "ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you" is my LIFE LINE quote for so long now, since 2009.  You can also see that I posted this quote several times here in my blog before.  I also have it tattooed on my back.  It is just such an amazing quote to reflect on whenever I wanted to start talking to God.  God seemed to remind me about it at the right time.  On top of that, I opened my other 'One Line A Day' journal, and when I flipped the page to [March 13, 2014] (exactly 5 years ago), I wrote on that entry that I literally bought the journal that same day and the first quote I scribbled was surprise, surprise, Matthew 7:7.

I am not kidding you. The tearfest started. My hands went up in the air and I said, "LORD JESUS! I PRAISE YOU!  Thank you for listening to me.  What do you ask of me?!"  This all happened yesterday night.

I am just amazed because God continues to surprise me at the right time.  I called to Him and He answered me.  He REMINDED me twice that I can ask and seek Him always and to pray and never give up. He comforted me that He is always listening to me even though I feel far away from Him.  It is through praying that I can truly connect to Him and therefore find that inner joy that He promises. "Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete" (John 16:24).

So, I would like to say that now that we are going through the season of Lent, I feel that this period really tests our faith and it is when we feel spiritually dry or lost.  I am reminding you that you are not alone, and that we all go through our own trials.  What will help us get through them is by staying close to God through our prayers.  Praying to Our Blessed Mother is also essential because she is the one who is really close to Jesus when He was here on earth; and therefore she plays an important role since she raised and knew Him.

Let us not give up on our prayers and on our relationship with God.  There is always something special in each of us that the Lord wants to show us so that we can reach our highest potential.  We need to empty out all the things that separate us from Him and let Him touch our hearts and transform them anew.

I will do my best to write here at least once a week and share the little inspirations that I've experienced.  Trust me, there are sooooooooooo much more.
So many memories and experiences since 2009... :)

I pray that you find the comfort in giving your heart to God, so that you may see the Light you are searching for in life.


Love & prayers always,

Elena

The scribble I wrote in my journal in 2013.

A Reminder

First the Spiritual // God Calling

What can I say to you?  Your heart is torn.  Then remember "He bindeth up the broken hearts."  Just feel the tenderness of My Hands as I bind up your wounds.  

You are very privileged, both of you.  I share My plans and secrets with you and make known to you My Purposes, while so many have to grope on.

Try to rest on these words.  "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."  Then strive not for them, but untiringly, for the things of My Kingdom.

It is so strange to you mortals, you would think the material things first and then grow into the knowledge of Spiritual things. Not so in My Kingdom.  It is spiritual things first and then material. So to attain the material redouble your efforts to acquire the Spiritual.

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath sent me to heal 

the broken-hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, ... to

 set at liberty them that are bruised.  Luke 4:18

St. Joseph's Feast Day // Silence

Before I start reviewing for my test tomorrow, I just want to share a quick story that happened today.  I'm going to say sorry in advance for the grammar and punctuation errors in this blog, as I am just typing away! :)

Today, being the feast day of St. Joseph, I decided to go to St. Michael's Cathedral for mass after my class.  I sat in front of the statue of St. Joseph, since it is his feast day.  As I sat down, I noticed that the lady behind me was quite tearful.  I could sense that something was bothering her, so I prayed for her that God may give her comfort.  

During the homily, my eyes glanced at an envelope right in front of me with a piece of paper inside.  Something told me to open it and that it was meant to be there for a reason.  When I opened it, it was a prayer novena to St. Anthony in times of difficulty.  Written below the piece of paper was a note saying that this novena was to be left in church for SOMEONE who needs it in time of difficulty and distress.  I immediately thought, "Wait a minute...is this for me?  I'm definitely not in distress at the moment... I mean, yes, I do find the ICU course very difficult...but not to the point that I am extremely distressed? Lord, is this for me?"  I began to pray about it, and all of a sudden, I saw the light... it wasn't for me, but it was for the lady behind me.  

I immediately felt in my heart that God was asking me to give it to her.  He was asking me a favor.  So I began to think, "Here I go again... Lord, am I going crazy? Is this what you really want?"  I kept questioning Him, but the more I asked Him, He became silent.  

When the priest talked about St. Joseph in his homily, he mentioned that St. Joseph is a wonderful teacher of the virtue of silence.  And that we had to learn to follow his ways of listening to God in His language of silence.  How does this make sense?  

In prayer, we need to feel and believe that God communicates to us in "silence".  When the angel of God told St. Joseph in a dream that He was to take Mary as his wife, St. Joseph did as he was asked without saying a word (Matthew 1:16-24).

So...the fact that what was happening to me was pretty much related to the priest's homily,  it became clear to me that God was asking me a favour which was to hand the novena to the lady sitting behind me.  All He was asking from me was my "Yes, I will do it for You."  

So I said, "Ok Lord, you win!  Yes, I will give it to her after mass if she stays to pray.  If she leaves immediately and I don't see her, then I will keep it."

I was getting nervous as the mass was about to finish.  I mean, I didn't want the lady to think that I was weird or crazy!  Something inside of me wanted to doubt but it was beyond clear that the lady needed the novena more than I did.  The Holy Spirit is amazing.

As I was getting ready to leave, the lady was also about to leave, but then she sat back down again, and she stared straight at the statue of St. Joseph while tears began to well up in her eyes and her lips quivered.  Something was indeed bothering her!  So I finally had the courage to hand the envelope to her.  I said, "Hi... this is for you."  

She looked at me and said, "For me?"

Me:  "Yes... Well, someone had left this in the pew... but I think it's for you." :)

Lady:  Oh, *she smiles*...thank you. *takes the envelope from me*

I didn't stay to stare at her reaction, to see whether she would cry more or give me a confused face (haha...now that would be creepy)...but I saw that she actually opened the envelope and read it.

After doing that, I felt joy and peace.  It did not hurt to pray for her and it definitely did not hurt to give someone a prayer novena that gives consolation.  What was I so nervous about?

Sometimes, God asks us favors that is OUT OF OUR COMFORT ZONE.  Just like St. Joseph, we must learn to stay silent, to trust what we hear, and to do what God asks of us because ultimately, He always has a purpose.  TRUST IN GOD ALWAYS.  St. Joseph isn't just a role model for husbands, fathers, or men in general... but for everyone. :)

So...this is my light of the day!!! :) PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!  It may be small, but this experience is already a blessing to me.  And I trust that the lady's worries are now in God's Hands.  <3 

Love & Prayers,

Elena

Faith

Light of the day: FAITH.

Something stirs my heart and I need to write this.  I feel like some of us recently have been feeling a lot of... Fear.  Fear of what is happening to us, fear of what surrounds us, fear of moving on...fear of our future... and fear of uncertainty.  We think about a lot of "what ifs": "What if this or that happens to me or what if this NEVER happens?"  There is no doubt that some things will happen unexpectedly and they will throw us off. When these happen, we feel STUCK and lost because we are not seeing a "way or path" in front of us and no matter how much we wait or try, we just don't get to where we want.  Our life seems to be in the middle of a chaos or in the middle of nowhere.

HOWEVER, if we CHANGE the numerous "what ifs" and ask ourselves instead, "what IF there is something/someone out there who can just help me find/understand my "path"?....that just shifts our focus into ONE thing.  This question initiates a step to THE path that will enable us to perceive life in a more clear and meaningful way --- A step towards FAITH.

Faith is literally like the two definitions of "clear" combined.  Faith is clear because, YOU CAN'T SEE IT (as it is transparent); BUT at the same time, faith makes everything clear because YOU PERCEIVE AND UNDERSTAND THE TRUE MEANING OF ITS INFLUENCE IN LIFE.  A life of FAITH, thus gives you a clear and closer sense of GOD.  You can't really see Him, but you perceive and understand His significance in our lives.

Although it will take a lot of time, compliance, and perseverance to embrace faith itself, faith will always be there even though one can't feel it, because God is everywhere.  It is a matter of one taking that step forward one at a time to get to know what faith is all about, and eventually taking that "leap of faith" in believing that God who is the opposite of fear, will guide and protect you in this "path" you have leapt on.

Faith is no desert or wasteland.  Faith is THE WAY/THE PATH that will get you through them.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing; Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."  - Isaiah 43:18-19

Have a great and faithful weekend!!! 😉

Love & prayers always,
Elena

2013 Highlights

Since I am going back to school in less than a week and will be very busy, I figured I would reminisce the memories I made in 2013.  It was a fun year filled with some "first" time experiences, so let me just share some of the major highlights!

Isabelle's Baptism Day - February 2013.  

My older sister, Ate Yumi "DIY"-ed the favours and the table decor. She also baked and decorated the cupcakes!

 Mikko's Valentine's day gift for me...  a much needed vanity table to store my makeup and along with it came a beautiful orchid! :)

My FIRST time trying deer meat... it was quite delicious!!! My cousin cooked this.  We visited them at Fort Drum, New York one last time before they moved to Florida!

Snowboarding weekend at Mont Tremblant, Quebec with some friends!  What a fun experience!!!  It was also my FIRST time trying the famous Beavertails (I knowwww, where have I been...) and Smoke's poutine!  Yummm!

My first time attending a Catholic rally in Toronto.  I attended with my friend, Denise, and it was an awesome experience!  I loved listening to the people who gave the talks.  They were so uplifting and you could tell the Holy Spirit was working through them.  The Adoration was beautiful...I cried.  I want to attend this year's rally again!

My RCIA participant was baptized into the Catholic faith and I was her sponsor!  I definitely felt proud of her. :)

My first time at a baseball game - NY Yankees vs Toronto Blue Jays ...and we won! Woohoo!

My husband and I attended my cousin's wedding on our first year wedding anniversary.  How lucky we are to celebrate another wedding on the exact day we got married! :) (taken on May 11, 2013)

And off to Orlando, Florida the next day! LOL. May 2013.

Mary, Queen of the Universe Shrine ...Roses all over the altar!!! I LOVED IT!!! It was like I was meant to be there. :)

My first time colouring my hair! Like ever... did it with a red ombre!

First time doing an all-inclusive vacation... first time in the the Caribbean...first time in Samana, Dominican Republic!  WHAT A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY!

Rainfall as we were getting ready to land

Cayo Levantado

Such a stunning view

Posing at the private beach

Public beach side

First time zip lining! Had a blast!