Pray and Never Give Up.

"So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.  In that day you will no longer ask me anything.  Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.  Until now you have not asked for anything in my name.  Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."  - John 16:22-24

Hello dear blog of mine,

I can't even believe that it has been SO LONG since I wrote here. I don't want to make this about excuses but really, life got pretty crazy.  

First of all, to anyone reading this, whether or not you know me on a deep personal level, I just want to warn you in advance that this blog is realistically how I am on the "inside". If that even makes any sense.  What I mean is, this is basically the spiritual side of me that not many people see or know about because I have not opened myself up to most people about this part of me.
And it's funny because I just read one of my first few posts here and I mentioned that I had the fear of being judged or shamed or made fun of. And to tell you the truth, I still do have that fear.  It has not faded away, but I'm not going to let it bother me this time, hopefully.  

What people don't understand is that throughout my whole life, I was always aware that there is a God who is watching over me. I'm extremely thankful that I was raised by my loving and faithful parents who made sure my siblings and I knew God and practiced the Catholic faith.  BUT (a BIG BUT), I did not really try to grasp the meaning of His existence in my life until I experienced something in 2009.  The experiences with Him continued strongly on up until to this day, which is why I am feeling the need to write here again.

I'm beyond grateful for my family, friends, and other people who have continued to support me throughout the years and who have recited SO many prayers for me.  I really do appreciate it a lot.  PRAYERS change lives and hearts.   I strongly believe in this and will continue to testify the power of prayers.  I even have a "pray" tattoo on my wrist to remind me to PRAY and NEVER GIVE UP.  Praying to God means conversing with Him to get to know Him; to build our relationship with Him; and to help us navigate our life journey, so we can focus on our purpose here on earth while experiencing true joy, in hopes that we will meet Him in Heaven (eternal happiness) one day.

We live in a world today where people constantly find or do things that make them feel "happy" and also compare themselves to others to make themselves feel "happy".  For some reason, people focus on finding happiness ELSEWHERE, when really, the focus should be on finding that happiness from WITHIN.  

I am guilty of searching for happiness through shallow means whenever I felt down.  I seeked in superficial ways such as eating my favourite "guilty pleasure" food, or watching a Disney movie, or going shopping, or going on Instagram to look at pretty photos.  By doing those things, did I become truly happier on the inside?  No.  Doing those was only for temporary happiness, and once it was all over, I was still not satisified.  One cannot be truly happy or satisfied if their heart is filled with negative emotions and only topped and sprinkled with superficial happiness.  I've learned that in order for one to experience true joy, he/she needs to pour out all other emotions that is stopping them from doing so. That means getting rid of feelings of hatred, jealousy, guilt, envy, resentment, misjudgment, doubt, worry...whatever it is.  And instead, replacing those with love, forgiveness, acceptance, trust, and open-mindedness, but again these only come from WITHIN and cannot be found elsewhere. 

Not many people know this, but for the past few months I have been feeling stressed and somewhat down.  Just because I post "happy" moments on Instagram does not mean I don't go through anything that makes me feel sad or down.  I have an amazing husband, two beautiful kids, a job that pays well...we have a house, a car, we are able to support ourselves...but that doesn't mean I don't feel any stress that weigh me down. I feel stressed because I work long hours that change randomly (I don't have a fixed schedule, so it really is hard on my body and mind). I work in critical care, so work, itself, can already be stressful.  I take care of the kids when my husband works full-time.  I worry about disciplining my kids and whether I'm doing the right thing as a mother.  I worry about other people when they open up to me about their hardship.  I stress out when there are endless chores to do at the house on a daily basis. I feel hurt when people talk or act rudely to me at work or when I hear that people talk behind my back or make fun of me.  I think about our finances and try to plan for our future. I think about how I am losing my hair because of all the stress and how I need to take care of my body because of my low hemoglobin and ferritin levels.  I feel frustrated that it's hard to find time to go out with my family or friends because of our crazy schedule.

So you see, my life is not all sunshine and rainbows as some have commented to me. I do NOT have my life together... BUT I am learning that I can get it together when I have true joy inside of me.  And the true joy all comes from HIM, from GOD who has done so much for me throughout all these years.  I seriously don't know what I'd do without my faith in Him.  And of course, with the help of Our Blessed Mother, and all the angels and saints. ;)

I played worship songs almost all day yesterday, because I was just seeking God for help as I had been feeling very overwhelmed about everything.  It led me to pray last night, and something told me to start journaling again like how I did way before.  So I searched for my journal which I kept hidden away in our linen closet.  As I opened it, the first thing I saw was the quote I wrote back in 2013,  "Pray and Never Give Up".  I instantly felt tears running down my eyes, as I knew God was starting to tell me something.  He really does want me to start praying again.

I also grabbed the pink-covered book called 'Jesus Calling' that my friend, Ekah, gave to me as a Christmas gift in 2014 and my blue 'One Line A Day' journal book.  The bible quote for March 13 (yesterday) from the 'Jesus Calling' book was John 16:22-24 (the exact quote in the beginning of this blog entry).  When I read the part "ask and you will receive" from John 16:24, I began to cry again.  As some of you know, the bible quote from Matthew 7:7, "ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you" is my LIFE LINE quote for so long now, since 2009.  You can also see that I posted this quote several times here in my blog before.  I also have it tattooed on my back.  It is just such an amazing quote to reflect on whenever I wanted to start talking to God.  God seemed to remind me about it at the right time.  On top of that, I opened my other 'One Line A Day' journal, and when I flipped the page to [March 13, 2014] (exactly 5 years ago), I wrote on that entry that I literally bought the journal that same day and the first quote I scribbled was surprise, surprise, Matthew 7:7.

I am not kidding you. The tearfest started. My hands went up in the air and I said, "LORD JESUS! I PRAISE YOU!  Thank you for listening to me.  What do you ask of me?!"  This all happened yesterday night.

I am just amazed because God continues to surprise me at the right time.  I called to Him and He answered me.  He REMINDED me twice that I can ask and seek Him always and to pray and never give up. He comforted me that He is always listening to me even though I feel far away from Him.  It is through praying that I can truly connect to Him and therefore find that inner joy that He promises. "Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete" (John 16:24).

So, I would like to say that now that we are going through the season of Lent, I feel that this period really tests our faith and it is when we feel spiritually dry or lost.  I am reminding you that you are not alone, and that we all go through our own trials.  What will help us get through them is by staying close to God through our prayers.  Praying to Our Blessed Mother is also essential because she is the one who is really close to Jesus when He was here on earth; and therefore she plays an important role since she raised and knew Him.

Let us not give up on our prayers and on our relationship with God.  There is always something special in each of us that the Lord wants to show us so that we can reach our highest potential.  We need to empty out all the things that separate us from Him and let Him touch our hearts and transform them anew.

I will do my best to write here at least once a week and share the little inspirations that I've experienced.  Trust me, there are sooooooooooo much more.
So many memories and experiences since 2009... :)

I pray that you find the comfort in giving your heart to God, so that you may see the Light you are searching for in life.


Love & prayers always,

Elena

The scribble I wrote in my journal in 2013.